Bad Dudes

Also known as Dragon Ninja in Japan, Bad Dudes is probably a contender for dumbest game of all time. To the left you see the two (nameless) "Bad Dudes" themselves. Basically the game is your standard issue beat-em-up ala Kung Fu, only with somewhat better graphics. I think this game might run off the same engine as Sly Spy, because it looks like the same game only they swapped out the sprites and backgrounds

The main things that set this game apart from most and make it more fun than your average 1980s fighter are that you get to hit lots of girls and that you get to hear your character hold up his arms and say "I'm Bad!" at the end of every level. I wish that I knew how to sample that sound, because it's the best part of the whole game. I remember when I was in about 5th grade, going to the arcade with my Dad, and standing next to this executive who was playing Bad Dudes. Every time he would pass a level, he'd hold up his arms and say "I'm Bad!" just like the character did. It was pretty funny. Also when you reach down to pick up an item you say "Got It!" in this weird echo-y voice that sounds like someone's trying really hard to be tough.

Bad Dudes was a pretty tech game for 1987- you can see it ran off the good old 68000 processor at a blazing 10MHz! Seriously, 10MHz is pretty quick for 1987. That extra one and quarter MHz sound processor really makes for great sound in BD- there's a cool slapping noise whenever you blast a bad guy, or when you release one of you charged up punches and he goes "Hoo-ah!"

The story in Bad Dudes: "Ninja crime is rampant," says the splash screen. The stern-looking FBI goon at the beginning says "President Ronnie has been kidnapped by the Dragon Ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue him?"

As you can see from the screenshot on the right, this game features lots of violence against women, which spices up any game (see my review of Double Dragon 2 for more mysoginy). I have to question the historical accuracy of this game. I've been involved in martial arts for nearly ten years, and in my studies, I don't recall any of the ninja clans have a uniform that consisted of a fishnet bodysuit and a red leotard, but I could be wrong. I wish that I could beat women as well as the nameless heros of Bad Dudes. I think that beating women makes a "bad dude," too. I respect people like Billy and Jimmy Lee (Double Dragon) who can effectively beat a woman, and I'm really glad that Data East encourages that in their games. Three cheers for violence against women! Hip hip - Hooray! Also the girls make this really cute wimpering noise when you beat them to death.

Another thing I've noticed about Bad Dudes (and Data East games in general) and is that there are a lot of ads for other Data East games like on billboards and stuff in the background. Like in Chelnov Atomic Runner (a very weird game) there's tattered Karnov ads in the background. Well Bad Dudes takes this concept one step further- either that or the programmers were low on creativity and wanted to re-use some sprites, because look who the boss of level one is: Karnov!! Only he looks a lot more flabby and less scary than in his own game. In the shot to your left you can see that for such a fat guy he has amazing balance because we are fighting while balancing on the top of a fence!

Here's a tip that I had forgotten: If you hold (charge) the punch button for a second or two your character glows and you can release a very powerful flaming punch that's good against bosses.

All in all, I give Bad Dudes an 80/100 - it's major flaw being that it's kind of short and easy, kind of like your sister. If you just keep giving it quarters, you'll finish- also like you sister.