Well I must say that I was more than a little disappointed by this one. Since I haven't seen this game since probably 1990 or so, I just vaguely remembered"China Warrior... Didn't I see that in GamePro #2 or something?" Well it turns out it's another case of Kung-Fu with better graphics, although it's not nearly as fun as Kung-Fu.

The most irritating thing about China Warrior is how it implements scrolling. Instead of having your character walk from left to right and the background scrolls with him, the character pretty much stays at the left of the screen and the background moves around him, as though he was on a moving walkway or something. It's pretty obnoxious. The enemies are stupid and repetetive at best- hordes of identical monks (that all look like they should be in black metal bands) assault you like it was Fist of the North Star, then little things that look like turds fly at you, then you have to fight a big white trash guy at the end of stage 1. I don't know what comes after that because I've never had the patience to play long enough to beat him.

As much as I love the PC Engine, I would definitely have to place this game in the "turd" category. The control sucks, the graphics are OK but boring, the enemies are stupid at best, and the character's feet are ridiculously small. Plus, look at the way he pulls his pants up past his belly button like a girl. "We like your silk pants, girly boy," as Hans and Franz would say. And is it just me, or is he lacking nipples? Was he caught in some horrible industrial accident as a child and lost his nipple to a ravioli making machine or something? Or just a genetic misfit? The world may never know the truth.